I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
