Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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