it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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