ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
