She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
