im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
