I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
