you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
