Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Randomize
