Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
