the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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