Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
