So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
