Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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