two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
