and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
