I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
