He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
