one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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