there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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