Nicole vs. Life
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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