i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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