i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
