I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're facebook friends in real life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
