In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
