yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish you could order shots online.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
