i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
