why didn't you poke me back
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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