Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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