i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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