the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
