I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
