forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
