i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
