Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
