dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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