The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come on in and take your pants off
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