I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
