so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
