Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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