you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
