and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
