summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
