Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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