Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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