I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
