so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
