What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
