why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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