You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
