A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
