Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
