Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
