i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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