FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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