thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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