his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
