i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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