If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
