I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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